Bird Jokes

 

Bird Jokes

What is a crow’s favorite tool? A crowbar

What do you call someone who steals birds? A birdler

What’s a crows favorite tool? A crowbar

What is an owls favorite subject? Owlgebra

How is a goose like an icicycle? Both grow down

What bird can lift the heaviest weight? A crane

What kind of bird is a gulp? It’s like a swallow but bigger

Turkey jokes:

How do you know a turkey was in your refrigerator? All the food has been gobbled up!

What is super turkey’s real name? Cluck kent

Why is it hard for a turkey to get fat? Because it eats like a bird

What happened to tina turkey when she fell out of a tree? She got the stuffing knocked out of her

Which turkey has the best drumsticks? Tom tom turkey

Why did the turkey shut the oven off? Because it was roasting in there.

Which side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside

 

Snow Jokes


 Snow Jokes

Snow Jokes

Q. Where do snow men keep there money?         In a snow bank!
Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?               Frosted Flakes.
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?       Frostbite.
Q. What do snowmen wear on their heads?        Ice caps.
Q. What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman?          Have an ice day!
Q. Where do Snowmen go to dance?           To snowballs.
Q. How does a Snowman get to work /         By icicle.
Q. How do snowmen greet each other?        Ice to meet you!
Q. What does Frosty eat for breakfast?           Snowflakes!
Q. What else does Frosty eat for breakfast?        Frosted Flakes!
Q. What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?         Frosty the Dough-man!
Q. What does Frosty call ice?             Skid stuff!                                                                                  Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?         In a snow bank.
Q. What does Frosty’s wife put on her face at night?        Cold cream!
Q. What is a Snowman’s favorite Drink?          Ice Tea!
Q. Who are Frosty’s parents?               Mom and Pop-Sicle!
Q. Who is Frosty’s favorite Aunt?            Aunt Artic!
Q. What kind of cake does Frosty like?       The kind with lots of frosting!

 

Insect Jokes

 

Insect Jokes

What do baby insects ride in? Baby buggies

What kind of insects can dance? Jitterbugs

What do you call a huge bug dance? A ball

Which bug is related to you? Your Aunt

What did the mother grasshopper say to her children? Hop to it!

What kind of insect sleeps the most? Bed bugs

How does a bee brush its hair? With it’s honeycomb

What kind of bugs can you find in a clock? Ticks

What language do ticks speak? Tick talk

What bugs are the sweetest? Honey bees

Which bugs are the biggest singers? Humbugs

What kind of music do beetles play? Bee-bop

How are bugs and babies alike? They both creep and crawl

What sport do mosquitoes like best? Skin diving

What has 18 legs and catches flies? A baseball team

What do you call the head of the roach basketball team? The roach coach

What insects are the best builders? Carpenter ants

What kind of insect do you find in a church? Praying mantis

Which insects are always polite? Ladybugs

What do you call a young bee? A baby bee

Why did the boy throw the butter out the window? Wanted to see the butter fly

Where might you buy bugs? Flea market

What ant is the biggest? The Giant

When did the fly fly? When the spider spider.

Why are bees so rich? Because they sell their honey.

Which insect is the smartest? Firefly because it’s so bright.

What kind of bug does a cowboy ride? Horsefly

How do you start a firefly race? Ready   set   glow

Which insects are the messiest? Litterbugs

Which insect is the ruler of the insect world? The monarch

What does a moth sleep on? Caterpiller

What do you call little bugs that live on the moon? Lunar ticks

What’s the difference between a cayote and a flee? One howls on the prairie and the other prowls on the hairy.

What do you call 2 spiders that just got married? Newlywebs

Bee Jokes

1. Why did the bee cross the road?
Just bee-cause!
2. What sort of car does a bee drive?
A Bee-mer.
3. Why did the bee go to the dermatologist?
Because it had hives.
4. Who is the bees favorite singer?
Sting.

5. What does the queen bee do when she burps?
Issues a royal pardon.
6. What does Santa Claus say to the bees?
Ho Hum Hum.
7. What sort of vehicle does a bee drive?
An automobeel.
8. How does the queen get around her hive?
She’s throne.
9. Who is the bees favorite pop group?
The Bee Gees.
10. What do you get when you cross a bee with a skunk?
A creature that stings and stinks.
11. What are the two cute yellow characters who like to wear their pajamas?
Bee 1 and Bee 2.
12. What kind of bees drop things?
Fumble bees.

13. What did the bee say to the flower?
Hello Honey!
14. Why do bees hum?
Because they’ve forgotten the words.
15. What are the bees favorite flowers?
Bee-gonias and Honeysuckles.
16. What is the favorite fairytale in the hive?
Beauty and the Bees.

17. What is yellow and black and has big fangs?
A vampire bee.
18. What did the father bee say to his son?
Bee good!
19. What is the bees favorite body part?
The bees knees.
20. What do bees take to stay healthy?
Their bee-vitamins.

21. What is a bees favorite food?
Bee-nut butter and honey sand-wiches.
22. Who is a famous bee scientist?
Bee-onardo Da Vinci.
23. Where do the bees like to go on holiday?
To the beech.
24. How do bees get married?
They are bee-trothed.

25. Where do baby bees sleep?
In apricots! (apiary cots)
26. Why did the bees do a round dance?
Because they thought the line dance
was a square dance!
27. What’s worse than being a fool?
Fooling with a bee!
28. What does a bee sit on?
Its bee-hind!

29. Why did the beekeeper cross his bees
with glow worms?

So his bees could work in the dark.
30. What do bees use to do their hair?
A honeycomb!
31. Why did the beekeeper put an ad in the paper?
He wanted to have a working bee!
32. Where do bees cook their dinner?
On the bar-bee-que!

33. What did the drone call the queen?
His bee-loved.
34. What is the hives favorite Beatles song?
Let it bee.
35. Why was the bee drummer kicked out of the band?
She couldn’t keep the beet.
36. What did the bees say after dinner?
That was bee-licious!

37. What did the bee say to the robber?
Bee-ware!
38. Where do bees like to shop?
Bee-Bay!

To bee or not to bee– Shakespeare

To do is to bee– Nietzche

To bee is to do– Sartre

Do bee do bee do– Sinatra

 

Energy Jokes

What part of the jail do they keep energy criminals in?

Fuel Cells

How is energy conservation like a baseball team?

They can both use a switch hitter.

How do we know that wind power is so popular?

It has so many fans.

 

Jokes

Why are computers so smart? Because they listen to their motherboard.

USING HUMOR IN THE CLASSROOM

LAUGH – IT’S GOOD FOR YOUR HEALTH! The field of gelotology is exploring the benefits of laughter. It was brought to the public’s awareness in Norman Cousins’ memoir Anatomy of an Illness. Cousins found that comedies helped him feel better and get some pain-free sleep. That’s because laughter helps the pituitary gland release its own pain-suppressing opiates. What can laughter do?

· Lowers blood pressure
· Increases vascular blood flow and oxygenation of the blood
· Gives a workout to the diaphragm and abdominal, respiratory, facial, leg, and back muscles
· Reduces certain stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline
· Increases the response of tumor- and disease-killing cells such as Gamma-interferon and T-cells
· Defends against respiratory infections–even reducing the frequency of colds–by immunoglobulin in saliva.
· Increases memory and learning; in a study at Johns Hopkins University Medical School, humor during instruction led to increased test scores
· Improves alertness, creativity, and memory

Humor and creativity work in similar ways, says humor guru William Fry, M.D., of Stanford University–by creating relationships between two disconnected items, you engage the whole brain. Humor works quickly. Less than a half-second after exposure to something funny, and electrical wave moves through the higher brain functions of the cerebral cortex. The left hemisphere analyzes the words and structures of the joke; the right hemisphere “gets” the joke; the visual sensory area of the occipital lobe creates images; the limbic (emotional) system makes you happier; and the motor sections make you smile or laugh. So let’s laugh. What makes you laugh?

Laughter Heals: 

Helps reduce inflammation throughout the body — good news for your heart, brain and circulatory health.
“Massages” internal organs with effects similar to exercise. ( It’s sometimes referred to as “internal jogging”)
Provides a light workout for the heart, lungs, diaphragm and even the abdominal muscles.
Releases tension in the muscles of the face, neck, shoulders and abdomen — all common areas where we tent to hold lots of tension.
Helps lower blood pressure and cortisol levels, decreases pain and can also help stabilize blood sugar.
Stimulates chemical changes in the brain that help buffer our bodies against the cumulative effects of stress.
Burns a few extra calories: According to a university study, just 10 -15 minutes worth of chuckles throughout the day can burn up to 40 calories.
Stimulates the release of endorphins, the mood-elevating brain chemicals behind the “runner’s high.”
Is physically and mentally therapeutic — an involuntary response that positively alters mood instantly.
Laughter contrasts with many more conventional aspects of non-verbal communication. It seems to create euphoric states in the performer. There is some evidence to suggest these euphoric states are associated with the release of endorphins.
Singing and dancing have long been recognized as important components in the process of bonding whole communities
Although laughter forms an important part of human non-verbal communication, it has received rather less attention than it deserves in the experimental and observational literatures. Laughter is associated with feelings of well being which may be due to the release of endorphins and the hypothesis was tested in a series of six experimental studies using change in pain threshold as an assay for endorphin release.
The results show that pain thresholds are significantly higher after laughter than in the control condition. This pain-tolerance effect is due to laughter itself and not simply due to a change in positive affect.
It is suggested that laughter, through an endorphin-mediated opiate effect, may play a crucial role in social bonding.
University of Oxford researchers found that a good laugh is linked with feeling less pain, and it’s likely because laughing spurs the body to release feel-good chemicals called endorphins, which can also act as painkillers. Laughter has long been viewed as good medicine.
Laughter has been shown in past research to boost heart health by lowering blood pressure just as well as cutting salt. One study showed that laughter could cause the linings of people’s blood vessels to expand as much as aerobic exercise or using statins.

CLICK ON LINKS BELOW FOR MY FAVORITE JOKES:

Energy Jokes

Bee Jokes

Insect Jokes

Snow Jokes

Bird Jokes

Garden Jokes

Bunny Jokes

Weather Jokes

Halloween Jokes

Animal Jokes

Science/Math Jokes

How does the man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.