Science and Math Jokes

  • What do you call an acid with an attitude? A-mean-oh-acid
  • If I had a choice between DNA and RNA I would choose RNA because it has U in it.
  • I wish I was adenine. Then I could get paired with you!
  • You are the substrate to my enzyme and nothing could ever denature us!
  • When is the moon going broke? When it’s down to it’s last quarter.
  • How do martians shave? With laser blades.
  • Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere.
  • What was the first animal in space? The cow. It jumped over the moon.
  • What do you do to get ready for an astronaut’s birthday? You plan-et.


















Animal Jokes

  • What should you do when a bull charges you? Pay him.
  • How do you stop a bull from charging? Take away his credit cards.
  • What did the gorilla use to fix the sink? A monkey wrench.
  • Why did Tarzan lose the tennis match?  He was up against a cheetah.
  • What does a frog do at a baseball game? He catches all the flies.
  • What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat? A centipede with sore feet.
  • What did the horse say when she finished eating her hay? That’s the last straw.
  • Why did the snake shed its skin? To get to the other hide.
  • Why was the fox upset? Everyone kept hounding him.
  • Why did the police officer give the dog a ticket? He was in the no barking zone.
  • What do tooth fairies bring to sharks when they loose a tooth? A sandollar
  • What does a cow say at night? Moon
  • Who do fish hire to clean their houses? Mermaids.
  • What’s the difference between a cayote and a flee? One howls on the prairie and the other prowls on the hairy.
  • What kind of cheese would a mouse build his house out of? Cottage cheese
  • What do beavers eat for breakfast? Oak meal
  • Where do fish deposit checks? In river banks
  • Why did the lion spit out the clown? He taste funny
  • What did the father buffalo say to his son when he was leaving? Bison
  • How does a dog earn a living? Picking up scents
  • What newspaper do reptiles read? The scaly daly
  • What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck
  • What kind of cat should you never play games with? A cheeta
  • What animals need oil? Mice because they squeek
  • Why is a dog so hot in the summer? He wears a coat and pants.
  • What is a frogs favorite game? Hopscotch
  • Why does a giraffe eat so little? Because a little goes a long way.
  • What did the duck say when it went shopping? Put it on my bill.


Halloween Jokes



What do Hawian pumpkins say? Happy hula-ween
How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch
What did the mother ghost say to her children when they got into the car? Fasten your sheetbelts.
What did one ghost say to another? Do you believe in people
What kind of pants does a ghost wear? Boojeans
If witches went to school what would be their best subject? Spelling
Why do vampires brush their teeth? To prevent bat breath
How does a witch tell time? With a witch watch
How do ghost like their eggs? Terrifried
Where’s the best place to build a haunted house? On a dead end street
What do baby ghosts wear on their feet? Boo-ties
What is a monsters favorite game? Swallow the leader
What does a ghost have in his morning coffee? Scream and sugar
Why was the mummy angry? He got a bum wrap
What is a mummies favorite kind of music? wrap
What do ghosts eat for breakfast on Halloween? Shrouded Wheat. Ghost Toasties. Scream of Wheat. Terr-fried eggs. Rice Creepies.
Where does Dracula keep his valuables? In a blood bank.
How do monsters tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house? Hope it’s Halloween…
How do witches keep their hair in place while flying? With scare spray…
Why don’t skeletons ever go out on the town? Because they don’t have any body to go out with…
Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? They’re so wrapped up in themselves…
What kind of streets do zombies like the best? Dead ends…
What type of dog do vampire’s like the best? Bloodhounds…
What do birds give out on Halloween night? Tweets…
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately.
What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A stake sandwich.
What do you call a witch in the desert? A sandwitch.
Where did the vampire open his savings account? At a blood bank.
What do you call a fat Jack-O-Lantern? A plumpkin.
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? A hoblin goblin.
Why don’t skeletons like parties? They have no body to dance with.
What was the witch’s favorite subject in school? Spelling.
What’s a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist.
Why do mummies have so much trouble keeping friends? They’re too wrapped up in themselves.
Why did the ghost go into the bar? For the Boos.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its circumference? Pumpkin Pi.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day? Day care centers.



Weather Jokes

What did the cloud have under its raincoat?        Thunderwear

Why do mountains get cold in the winter?         Because they wear snowcaps

What can go through water and not get wet?         Sunlight

Bunny Jokes

Bunny jokes:

What do you call a bunny stuck in the mud? Un-hoppy

What dance do little rabbits like to do? Bunny hop

What is a rabbit’s favorite game? Hop- scotch

Where do bunnies go when they groom? To the hare dresser



Garden Jokes

How do you pa compliments to bread? You toast it.


  • What does a gardener get when he plants a light bulb? A power plant
  • What is the saddest fruit? Blueberries
  • Why is the blueberry so sad? Because it’s blue.
  • Why did the orange go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well
  • Why are bananas so popular? Because they have a-peel
  • Why is honey scarce in Boston? Because there is only one B in Boston.
  • What kind of shoes do you make out of banana skins? Slippers.
  • What happens when a banana sees a ghost? It splits.
  • How do you make a strawberry shake? Take it to a horror movie.
  • Which fruits are never lonely? bananas and grapes because they hang in groups.
  • What does a banana need to become class president? Appeal
  • Who is the leader of the popcorn? The kernel
  • Why does Santa clause have such a big garden? So he can ho ho ho
  • Why did the raisin go out with the prune? He couldn’t find his date.
  • What did the lettuce say when caught in a snowstorm? I’m frozen salad
  • What kind of cheese would a mouse build his house out of? Cottage cheese
  • Why did the man bury money in his flower garden? To make the soil rich
  • Why do potatoes make good detectives? Because they keep their eyes peeled.
  • What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
  • What kind of socks does a gardener wear? Garden hose.
  • “What does the letter “A” have in common with a flower? They both have bees coming after them
  • What gets bigger the more you take away? A hole.
  • What did the banana do when it saw the monkeys? Split.
  • What is a Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone, with no dressing.
  • What do you call a grumpy and short tempered gardener? A SnapDragon.
  • Where did the vegetables go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar.
  • “Why don’t you ever iron a four-leaf clover? You might press your luck.”
  • What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
  • What is green and goes to a summer camp? A Brussels’ scout.
  • Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  • What do you get if you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy? A rash of good luck.

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Honeydew who?
Honeydew you want to come out tonight?

  • What vegetable do you need a plumber for? A Leek.
  • What runs but never gets tired? Water.
  • Why is it not wise to tell secrets in a cornfield? There are too many ears!
  • What did the lettuce say to the celery? Quit stalking me!
  • What happens when you sit on a grape? It gives a little wine!
  • Why did the tree trimmer keep falling asleep? Because he was always sawing logs…
  • What is small, red and whispers? A hoarse radish!
  • What vegetable can you throw away the outside, cook the inside, eat the outside, and throw away the inside? Corn.
  • Why did the Tomato go out with a prune! Because he couldn’t find a date!
  • How do you fix a broken tomato? Tomato paste!
  • What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash
  • What do you call a fat jack-o-lantern? Plumpkin
  • What do you get if you divide the circumference 
of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi.